I am linking up for the Five Minute Friday. The FMF is hosted by Kate Motaung on her blog Heading Home. Today's prompt is "Alone." Write for five minutes; unedited.
I heard the word prompt tonight and so many emotions begin to bubble up inside of me. Next week I will turn 37. I am still single; still yearning yet to be a wife and a momma. It is something that I have always wanted. And I see those around me; friends of all ages in their homes with their families and I can't help but ask. When will it be my turn? Or am I going to be alone forever?
I come home each night to an empty house. I lay down in my bed no one to cuddle up next to. I often spend my Friday Nights watching a movie or television show alone on my couch. Sometimes the tears stream down my face. It is not at all how I pictured my life as a 37 year old. I have always imagined my life as a woman with a husband, 2.5 kids, a dog, and a house surrounded by a white picket fence. I have always dreamed of my very own "happily ever after."
God knows the desires of my heart and hears them. Yet there are days that my loneliness is more prominent and I sometimes question if God hears them at all. I know God does hear them.....but sometimes especially when I am so lonely that is so much easier said than done.
Tears stream down my face. I wonder when it will be my turn. I wonder if I will always be alone. I wonder if I will ever get to be a mom. I wonder if my house will always be so quiet. I wonder when my time will come. I wonder....but then I put all my trust in a God who I know hears the desires of my heart and who knows what my heart holds; a heart that holds the promises of God and knowing that I am not alone because God walks with me every step of the way and also puts individuals in my path who also walk with me.