Wednesday, May 13, 2015

How Long, Oh Lord?

Are you lonely? Are you deeply longing for something?

My friends, I AM! I am longing deeply to be a wife and a mother. I am longing to not come home to an empty house. I am longing for God to answer the God-given desires of my heart. I am longing to hold a sweet little baby in my arms. I am longing for....

Sometimes I feel as if I am the only one longing, but as my friend KA reminded me in a blog comment, there are probably many others who are feeling the same way that I am. There are many of you out there longing for the exact same things I am. And there are others of you longing for other items in your life. KA suggested that I be brave and share this part of my story, so I am. Besides brave is my #oneword365 for 2015 so it seems a fitting place to share this part of my story. And I want you to know, my friends, that if you are longing and lonely, you are not alone. I see you and hear the cries of your heart too.

I am a 36 year old single woman. Ever since I was little, I have wanted to be a mom. I remember sitting on the floor of our house playing "House" with my little sister. I would dress my cabbage patch dolls up in my very own infant clothes waiting for the day that I could dress my real life little one up in those exact same clothes. But those clothes still remain packed away in a storage room at my Dad's house. 

"Oh how long, oh Lord, how long?"

And there are so many in this stage of my life who are announcing marriage and pregnancy announcements. I am truthfully happy for them. But there is a huge part of me that is sad, who continually aches for these things for myself. I want to put my hand on my pregnant belly and feel my child kick me.  I even crazily want to NOT get a full night's sleep because my child is awake. (Remind me of that someday when I DO have children!)

"Oh how long, oh Lord, how long?"

But I also realize that God might not answer my desires that way. There are days that I wonder if adoption is the path for me. I know there are so many children in the US and the world who are in need of a family. To be honest, I would love to adopt, but fear is the wall that keeps being put up. I wonder how my family and friends will react. I am frightened for what it would be like to be a single mom working at a church. Yet I know that if being a mom is a God-given desire of my heart, God WILL indeed answer that call.

"Oh how long, Oh Lord, how long?"

If you are like me, my friends, you continually find yourself asking this very question: Oh Lord, how long? I am reminded of the words we hear in Psalm 13; verse one (NRSV) "How Long, Oh Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?" I honestly don't see God hiding his face from me, but I do wonder how long I will have to wait and if those desires will be answered. And I am sure there are others of you who feel the exact same way.


"Will you forget me forever?"

That question is one that continually is on repeat in my mind. I trust in God's promises for God's people. Yet it is hard to come home to an empty house and long for something so deeply without seeing that prayer and that desire answered. However I have seen so many other prayers answered. I have seen my friends struggling with fertility issues and then all of a sudden they are announcing a pregnancy announcement. I have seen adoptions completed. But I also have seen the struggles that come with motherhood as well. I have seen my cousin have to lay two children to rest. I have seen many others who have never even gotten to hold their babies. And in the midst of both the joys and the sorrows, God has a way of continually showing up and knowing what we need.

God is a God of promises. But when you continue to ask the question, "How Long, Oh Lord, there are days that is so easy to forget.

God has a funny sense of humor. This morning I was getting ready 
for work listening to my favorite  Pandora station when this song came on. 
These lyrics caught me this morning: "This is for all the single people, Thinkin' life 
has left them dry. Don't give up until you drink from the silver cup. You'll never know until you try."
And I don't remember EVER hearing this song before today! 


I am linking up with these lovely writers today: 



 


14 comments:

  1. The WHAT principle: Wait Hope And Trust

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    1. The WHAT principle...I like that!

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  2. Hugs to you, my brave friend! Waiting is never easy, but I know from experience that God uses the waiting time to grow us closer to him.

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    1. Thanks friend! That is a good reminder. That in the waiting God brings me closer to him.

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  3. and my word for this year is "grace!" I notice people interviewing for possible calls, updating about writing sermons, going on youth trips (Detroit, here they come), and I knew I'd again be doing those things. Wow, I'm saying this so publicly!

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    1. Good for you friend...for saying this so publicly. Proud of you!

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  4. Oh my brave friend... thank you. Thank you for taking a risk and sharing a piece of your heart that maybe would have felt safer hidden away. I believe you will find freedom, and maybe even answers coming... praying and believing with you! Love you so! (And yes... that song... the timing... more Grace!)

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    1. You're welcome. But thank you for challenging me to write it. And yep it totally would have been so much easier and safer to keep that part of my heart hidden away. I am trusting with you friend that the answers are coming soon. Love you so too!

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  5. Have you heard about Nancy Leigh DeMoss's latest news? It is one of those timeless, God-in-the-details kind of love stories and one in which she alludes to as grace! I hope it encourages your heart to keep hoping and keep trusting in God's promises so that He can write your story in the most beautiful way. https://www.reviveourhearts.com/engagement/

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    1. Amy, I had not heard of her latest news. I followed the link you shared and read the article. So cool. It totally is one of those timeless God-in-the-details love stories. It totally did encourage my heart. Thank You!

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  6. Girl, you are an inspiration. My closest friend is in the same boat as you. The best man at our wedding is also still completely single and not wanting to be. My husband and I are always trying to figure it all out in our minds why it is this way for two amazing people that we love dearly, but God has a plan bigger than ours. I am sure there are many, many people out there that you are reaching through your current story. I appreciate you opening up and sharing it with us.

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    1. Thanks Natalie! Glad to know I am not alone. I hope my post spoke to your friend...that is if you shared it with her.

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  7. sharon_magnuson@yahoo.com11:10 PM

    MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU YOUR IN MY PRAYERS. HUGS SHARON

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Your comments totally make my day!