God has a way of showing up in the most unexpected ways.
I hadn't checked my blog or my email for a few days last week since I was attending the ELCA Youth Ministry Network Extravaganza. I wanted my time in Detroit to be dedicated to spending quality time with old and new friends alike.
But one afternoon during a break, I decided to take a quick peak at my blog. I noticed that I had a comment on one of my posts where the individual asked me to email him. So on my way home from the E, I sent him a quick email. The man that emailed me was Cameron Von St. James. Cameron had stumbled upon my blog and asked if I would participate in sharing about his and his wife Heather's journey as well as share about Lung Leavin Day.
In his email Cameron wrote, "Nine years ago, my wife Heather was diagnosed with mesothelioma; a rare cancer caused by exposure to asbestos. Heather had just given birth to our daughter, and during the most exciting time in our lives, she was given just 15 months to live. After surgery to remove her left lung, Heather began her journey towards survival, and Lung Leavin' Day was born."
He then continues with, "This year (Feb 2nd) will be the 9th Lung Leavin' Day celebration! The purpose of this holiday is to encourage others to face their fears. Each year, we gather around a fire in our backyard with our friends and family, write our biggest fears on a plate and smash them into the fire. We celebrate for those who are no longer with us, for those who continue to fight, for those who are currently going through a tough time in their life, and most importantly, we celebrate life!" (Learn more here: Throw Your Fears to the Fire!)
Cameron asked me to write about my fears, to write it on a virtual plate and then to smash it in the fire with them. As many of you know my #oneword365 for 2015 is "brave" and when I read Cameron's email, I knew this was a perfect opportunity for me to be "brave."
My fingers danced across the keyboard as I typed on the plate on their interactive page. I typed the words "I am afraid I will never be a mom." Yep...there I said it! In fact I literally wrote those words on my interactive plate. I even went back and typed more words on a second plate that read "beginning the adoption journey." I so deeply yearn to be a mom and there are days I am afraid that God doesn't hear my pleas. I am afraid that these dreams will never come true for me. Yet adoption and/or foster care are two things that I have been praying about and have given completely over to God.
Today I am choosing to follow Heather and Cameron's examples, I am choosing to write down those fears and to throw them into the fire. I'll admit it feels good to write them down and give them wholeheartedly over to God. I am not sure what God has in store for me, but I do know that God will help me overcome these fears. I know that God will give me the strength to journey trusting in him as he holds my heart.
I have so many friends who continually remind me that I will be an awesome mom. They also don't think God would give me these deep yearnings if it wasn't going to happen for me. Yet it is something that still scares me. I want to find my Mr. Right and be a Mom so deeply. (Anyone who knows me knows I love every chance I get to hold a baby.)
So I'm throwing my fears into the hot fire and am leaning into God as God holds my heart