Monday, January 12, 2015

To Remember....

Remember="to have or keep an image or idea in your mind of (something or someone from the past)"; "to cause (something) to come back into your mind;" "to keep (information) in your mind;" or "to not forget something."

This morning I woke up and immediately began to "remember." Five years ago today, the earthquake struck in Haiti. My friend Renee (we worked at Bible camp together), her husband Ben and Ben's cousin Jon were in Haiti when the earthquake hit. Ben lost his life that day. It is believed that his last words were breathed as he sang the words "God's peace to us we pray" and then it was silent.

I was in Gettysburg Pennsylvania that January day. I was a small group leader for the Diaconal Ministry Formation Event (all diaconal minister candidates are required to do the formation event.) My small group and I were talking about prayer that Tuesday morning when one of my students said she wanted to share a song with us. She pulled it up on her laptop and we strained to listen to this beautiful song. The song was song by Jon and Ben and talked about "hands parted after prayer like cups raised to receive." (The words were  words of a poem that a seminary classmate wrote). So that morning we listened to the song and than later that afternoon we found out that the earthquake had taken place. Immediately my IM box was popping up with messages from friends letting me know that Ben, Jon, and Renee were in Haiti for a J-term class and that they had not been heard from yet.

For several days after, as you can imagine, there was much confusion. On Thursday morning, one of my students and a dear friend called and asked me where I was. I told her my hotel room and she asked if she could come to me. The minute I hung up the phone that morning I knew that something was wrong. Shera came to my door and informed me that it was confirmed that Ben was gone. We cried and held each other. We proceeded to breakfast where we were asked by the rest of our group if we had heard anything. Shera couldn't get the words out. I was on auto-pilot and all I could keep repeating was "Ben's gone." From breakfast, we gathered in the chapel and worshipped together. When it came time for communion, tears welled up in our eyes as we recalled the words from the song we had heard just a few mornings before "hands parted after prayer like cups raised to receive."

After worship, we all went to our small groups. My small group was in charge of leading worship that night. The girls decided that they still wanted to continue with our original plan; to sing the song "Freedom is Coming" etc. We made one small change; to play Ben's version of Psalm 30 as individuals entered into worship that night. "Weeping may come for the night, but joy comes with the morning." (Now you understand why this verse has become one of my faves). The next day, at the airport, we found a blog post where someone posted Ben's sermon from his senior year at Luther College. It talked about how the song "Freedom is Coming" was one of the most influential songs in his life. (Anyone else get goosebumps. I know I did that day...and still do!)

It is hard to believe that it has been five years today since the earthquake hit. I found myself waking up this morning. My cell phone clock confirmed today as January 12th. Grief has a way of swooping in and declaring to us the date even before we realize what day it is. Today I was reminded of that again. Immediately I took a breathe and began remembering.

And throughout the day I was continually reminded of the promise of hope and Resurrection. A couple of friends texted to say they were thinking of me today. I went to start my car this morning and an envelope was taped to my driver's side window. I opened the envelope. Inside was a note talking about how it wasn't it much but hopefully it would brighten my day. With the note was a McDonalds gift card. Then from there, I got to spend the day with one of my dearest friends and dear colleagues as I headed to our YouthWorkers meeting. We spent the day talking about the ELCA Youth Gathering this next summer and tips we wished we knew when we went for the first time. Tonight at Curves, I shared the story of Ben, Renee, and Jon and the promise of hope and Resurrection.

And today Renee and Jon are married and expecting a baby. What a beautiful promise of hope and Resurrection! Ben's music still lives on. (Check out the website Ben Still Sings) Another reminder of hope and Resurrection! And for me Psalm 30 especially Ben's version will always hold a special place in my heart. It is currently playing as I type this post and it is such a breath of fresh air for my soul. It is a song that continually reminds me of the power of hope and the power of Resurrection. (However sometimes grief does sneak in and cause the tears to flow...today is one of those days)

Mourning into Dancing (Click here to listen to Ben's version of Psalm 30)

16 comments:

  1. This breaks my heart....and yet, there's always hope. Through the grief and pain, you can remember the amazing man who served God and clearly brought joy and encouragement to those around him. And even though he isn't here, his music and his messages live on, both online and in his friends like yourself.

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  2. This post is so heart-wrenching yet needed. I know there is still pain, but the message you share here is simply amazing my friend. I've been following your blog since October and this post has been so impactful. Thanks for trusting God enough to be used by Him in this way.

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    1. Thank You! I am glad that this post was so impactful.

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  3. Oh my, I am so sorry for your loss. Reading your post through tears. "It is believed that his last words were breathed as he sang the words "God's peace to us we pray" and then it was silent." So powerful. Hugs to you as you remember my friend.

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    1. It is such a powerful witness! Thanks for the hugs!

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  4. Thank you for sharing this dear to your heart story of grief and loss. Thank you for braving the hurting places to bring us along on your journey. Many blessings. Keep writing!

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    1. Thanks Wendy! I will keep writing!!! :)

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  5. Oh wow. This gets me all choked up. What an incredible story of true dedication and sacrifice to our Lord. I went to the website that you shared as well. His life and his music has impacted many and God is surely turning that to lead others to him!

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    1. I am glad you checked out the website. It is amazing how his life and music still live on!

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  6. Oh this is so beautiful, Tara. Weeping may last through the night but Joy comes in the morning, was a key scripture God kept putting in front of me in 2002, my year of intense grieving. xo

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  7. resurrection - oh you beautiful reality - the hope of all salvation - so sorry for you loss - so hopeful how you are handling it

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  8. "Joy comes in the morning"...such a beautiful thought; and the remembering you did, and sharing those words with us. Tara, thank you so much for your beautiful words. Tears, yes! How can I not...

    And this story reminds me of one I heard at my daughter's college (almost 10 years ago) about missionaries who were killed yet continued on in their work for God. That is what they do...that is what we are to do...just keep on trusting God and doing his work.

    Thank you for sharing your memories!

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    1. Thank You! I wrote a poem days after Ben passed away titled "No Words, Only Tears."

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