Saturday, May 10, 2014

Not Forgotten

I took a little road trip to see my momma yesterday. The nursing home/assisted living place she lives at has a little Mother's Day program. I was delighted to spend this time with my mom and it was such a nice day for a drive. When I get there, I always have to laugh because she is always continually telling people who I am! And yesterday was no different! My mom exudes pure joy when my sister and/or I walk into a room. (Just ask my friend Chris who got to see that first hand one day!)

My mom is a great mom, but like lots of moms, it has not been easy for her. Yet she has always had my sister and I's best interest at heart. She loves entirely unconditionally! I love my momma with all of my heart, yet there are things that I mourn too! Since she is in a nursing home, I wonder if she will be able to be there when I finally meet my Mr. Right and need to go dressing shopping. I wonder if she will be able to share with me if/when I finally have my own child/children.

Mother's Day is a wonderful day to honor my momma and all the mommas in my life. Yet I know that Mother's Day isn't easy for many of them and even me. I have watched friends who have struggled with infertility; waiting, watching and praying for a child. I have watched friends parent children for only a few minutes and then have to say goodbye to them. I have watched as friends have waited to be matched with a child for them to adopt. Mother's Day is a day to honor all those moms as well!

Later this year, I will turn 36 and I'll admit that my biological clock is ticking...and continues to tick. Just yesterday, my mom asked about grandchildren! I know her heart is in the right place but it still doesnt make it any easier. I so want to be a momma. Something I yearn for so deeply and strongly! Yes, I could and maybe someday will adopt but that isn't easy to think about either. Who will support me on that journey? What will people think of that choice? And yet the truth is I am not getting any younger, my body maybe won't be able to carry a biological child. And for that I ache...an ache that is so deep! I so yearn to be a momma! It is one of those very good, yet very difficult things in my life!

It's hard to put into words how deep that ache is and how deep I yearn to be a mom. Yet I still carry that ache and that yearn with me out into the world. There are so many mother types in the world: those who yearn to be a momma again, those who have had to bury their own children, those who have waited to adopt, and so many more. Tomorrow may we give thanks for all of the Mothers in the world!

1 comment:

  1. Beautifully written, Tara. I always, as a pastor, made a point to recognize and honor the people named in the flower picture above. So important! Glad you had a good day with your momma!

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